Is that a FIST you’re shaking at me?

11 Mar

Lately I’ve had this really annoying habit that I can’t seem to shake. I keep following through with stuff. Big stuff. Like setting up meetings and actually keeping them. Showing up. Being present. Scheduling a baking class weeks before then totally getting in my car, driving there and staying for the whole thing. It’s so bad that I recently read a whole email from a friend. Then clicked the link in it and actually scheduled an audition slot for the show that it was describing. WTF. 

It’s really frustrating. It’s been incredibly nice to never commit. Or when I occasionally make that mistake as will happen — just not going. 

Now, I know how to make baguettes, foccacia, plus dinner rolls, went to a bachelorette party without knowing a soul but the bride, and am a cast member of a national broadcast

I also now meet friends for coffee and don’t bail. And I re-joined a board and have actually been enjoying the participation part. I even accepted an invite to something that is FOUR WEEKS AWAY. I think I’m an alien. I don’t even know me any more. 

I was on the road to shut-in-status. Home in my jammies on con calls. Hiding out behind the closed blinds. Never-ever going to a meeting unless it was urgently necessary. Now I’m going to stand up in front of an audience and read my most personal business aloud. Areyoufreakingkiddingme.

The worst part? This new extraterrestrial me? Yea. She’ll actually get her ass up there and follow through with it. 

The other day as I was getting dressed to drive True Blue to the airport at the ass-crack-of-dawn, I thought, “What in the hell am I doing getting up at the ass-crack-of-dawn on a Sunday to drive to north Boulder and then to the airport?” But that was the old me talking. The new me was looking forward to having some time with her, sipping coffee as we drove east in the pink morning light and pondering life and her mother’s health crisis she was headed back to face.

I keep thinking that I want to show my daughters someone who faces her fears and pushes through them anyway. Not some sorry sack-o-poop who wears PJs all day and never washes her hair. Except if it sometimes gets wet in the hot tub.

Like I said, I have no idea who I am any more. But if you want to see this new, public-facing brave-as-shit-grab-life-by-the-scruff me? I’ll be putting it all out there for the world to hear on May 11. Go here for the deets. (Unless they realize they’ve made a HUGE mistake and take it back.) Image

TODAY’S THEME SONG: Best Day of My Life. American Authors. The stars were burning so bright. The sun was out ’til midnight. I say we lose control.


One Response to “Is that a FIST you’re shaking at me?”

  1. joellewisler March 11, 2014 at 7:59 pm #

    Totally not taking it back. And way to go on facing your fears!


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