>Down in the mouth = Up with the BG panties.

11 Jul

>Dong. Dong. Dong. Dong. Code Blue. ICU. Room 17. That was my alarm clock this morning at around 6:30 or so. It’s really difficult to relax in a place where at any given moment, someone is the building is kicking it and they announce it over the intercom. So even though we slept MUCH BETTER last night and we GET TO GO HOME TODAY, I woke up feeling teary and like I’d been hit by a large vehicle (and then drug behind it for a distance).

The hubby looked over at me and knew. “Come over here and crawl in.” As soon as I did, all it took was a small kiss on my forehead and the tears poured forth. Man, I’m a mess. We should be dancing a jig and instead I’m walking around with a pigpen-style cloud around my head. I’m hoping that this latte will kick in soon and blow it away.

I was talking to my mom on the way to Starbucks this morning (the lobby coffee shop is closed today — damnitalltohell). And she made a great point. When you have the type of personality that it’s always all about you, it can only be about someone else for so long before: CRACK. So I guess I’m a little cracked today. (Or should be smoking some.) It makes me pissed at myself because my little pooper is laid up with the cancer and I’m going all selfish whiny-puss. But in the words of my dear Granny, “This too will pass.” And it will. Another day. Another mood swing.

Last night we made the best of the extended stay by calling it a date night. I went to Root Down for some awesome take out: seared halibut, black quinoa, heirloom tomatoes, corn and pork chop, homemade ravioli, mache salad. Yum-in-the-tum. I brought it back, opened the wine (hubby could have a sip) and we cranked up the laptop and popped in Weeds. It was almost like home except for the interruptions for vital checks, JP drain stripping and pain meds. See how quickly we humans can adapt to a new normal?

We ate, watched an episode, then took a walk around the hall loop. Came back, watched an episode, then took a walk. It was almost blissful. Then I did my night time room re-config for what we hope (and seriously should be) the very last time. Bye-bye effin cot. And bye-bye effin tumor-filled colon section. (Our only parting gift is that one pisser of a lymph node. And I curse you lymph node. You’ll be gone too. VERY SOON.)

I’m feeling the tug of my spirits lifting upwards even as I write. And I suppose it’s normal to feel a dip of heart every now and then when your nearest and dearest has the cancer. My own version of CODE BLUE.

The sun is out today and I see that very special shade of Colorado blue sky peeking through the clouds. That is enough to make us smile itself. Especially since we get to head out under it officially today.

We’ve also decided to sit the girls down tonight and level with them. Our fear is that now that this is going to be a longer process, miss-miss could hear something and that just doesn’t seem fair. We’re going to shift and let her be as much a part of things as she chooses. So I’m working on my lightness of being so my delivery will be joyful and hopeful. As it should be. Bean just thinks Daddy is coming home and will sleep in her bed ‘til he’s all better. We can’t wait to hold those littles!

TODAY’S THEME SONG: Holler ‘Til You Pass Out. 3OH!3. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Is it getting hot in here or is it 3OH!3?


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